Choices

As I stood in the open doorway the cold wind blew the rain in against my face, I looked out at the dark grey sky through the rain and in exasperation invoked one word “Bugger!” I closed the front door and started to get ready for my long Sunday run of 21 miles. It was going to be harder today than in the past; for the last two weeks I had been on a very strict no carbohydrate diet and was now fully feeling the effect on my body, a lack of energy and an inability to be warm. My coach Rory had placed me on the diet when I went to see him, I need to get lean, very lean in order to run in the heat of the Namib desert. So far I had lost four Kilograms of fat in two weeks. My body is now running on empty, my training regime is stringent; for the last two weeks I have trained six days a week with weights in the gym and running, in those two weeks I have run 89.2 miles.
I was in London again, over for the weekend to surprise my old friend Sean for his birthday and so found myself the next day driving to Richmond park in the freezing rain to start my long training run for the week. I entered the giant nature reserve that was once Henry the Eighths hunting ground and as I turned up the hill I was aware of how few people were about. My car pulled up in the empty car park above the Isabella plantation and as I turned off the engine the sound of the rain began to patter against the windscreen. With a deep breath I reminded myself that no matter if it was a summers day or a day like today that by the end of it I would be soaked either way, and with that I climbed out of my car and locked the door. I put on my backpack that contained the water that I would be drinking over the next four and a half hours and gently padded away from my car in to the woods.
Theres something about running in the rain that is amazingly relaxing, as if all ones stress is being washed away and as I found my stride and pace my breathing settled in to the old familiar rhythm my lungs filling with the clear, clean air. I smiled to myself as I felt my muscles warming up even as my clothes began to soak through, I chose to do this.
After several miles there is a break in the rain, as my clothes start to steam as they are warmed by my body heat and the sun I crest the ridge of a hill to see the steam rising from the backs of some nearby deer who look up for a moment quizzically before going back to grazing on the long green rain soaked grass. The sun lifts my spirits as I run on, I love that I chose to do this and enjoy that I have the park almost to myself. Even as the rain begins to fall again gently at first I choose to smile and feel lifted again as the most vivid rainbow appears in front of me. I run on happy in the freezing rain, it is my choice to do so.
My three year old niece Lucy asked me a week ago ‘Uncle Jamile, what do you think about when you are running?’ As I ran on past the fourteen mile mark I thought about her question.
Sometimes I am thinking about how the run is going, what I am seeing in front of me and all around me, my experience of the moment. Other times when the pain kicks in and the bitter cold bites down hard through my fingers and around my head I let my mind travel and think about why I am doing this, why I have chosen to do this. At these times my mind turns to a poem, it was written by Lynn McKenna who died aged 15, its called Lynn’s Dreams, this is it:

I wish I could learn,
Like everyone else,
I wish I could swim, jump and run,

I wish different cards could have been dealt,
I wish it could be like old fun.
I wish I could grow and learn about life,

I wish I could feel well again,
I wish that there was an end to the strife,
And a new beginning instead.

But destiny’s come and its drawing me near,
And I know my two ANGELS are there,
With them I will have no reason for fear, In their warm embrace and their care.

So when I run and it hurts, when the pain in my hips is so bad that its screaming at me to stop and my fingers begin to feel like they will never thaw; I remember Lynn’s poem and remember how privileged I am to be able to run, and to feel that pain; and I remember that I have chosen to do this and I push on.

In the words of Jane, Lynn’s mother the LauraLynn Foundation is all about ‘Putting life into a child’s day, and not days into a child’s life, it’s all about choices’

"Up to the E"

The door to the big house opened and standing there was Rory, in his cold weather running gear with a warm open smile on his face. I shock his hand and said hello as he invited me into his lovely house. ‘You’re lucky, today you’ve got two Rorys’ he said by way of introduction to the other runner that would be joining us for our Marathon. Over a cup of coffee Rory gave us both a brief of what to expect in the desert, a lot of it was aimed at the Marathon des Sables ‘MdS’ that both Rory’s would be running in April; but even the parts that were only about the MdS were very interesting. We were taken through everything from shoes and gaiter to keep the sand out to the best knife for conducting self surgery with should the need arise, and a story from Rory of when he had to operate on his own foot in the middle of a race. Once we had gone through the kit and asked a lot of questions it was time for the run. I was a bit nervous, I had already decided that no mater what the pace was I would bloody well do it! I needn’t have worried though and was relieved to find that I was ok with the pace. As we left Rory’s house and started running the rain also started, lightly at first. We ran by the school where Rory’s daughter attended, it was play time and she was out in the playground. We paused so that Rory could say hello and give her a kiss, as we ran on we chatted about life and Rory talked proudly about his six children. The other Rory turned out to be a really nice guy and soon the miles were flying by, in fact when Rory asked how far we had covered I was surprised to find out that it was nine miles already! The route was wet, very wet, in some places we crossed flooded fields the rain picked up and the stiles we crossed were treacherously slippy. The majority of the course was across country, over fields and through woods, and despite the cold wet weather and the fact that I was only wearing tight running leggings, a thin long sleeve top & carrying a backpack, was soaked to the bone and covered in mud, I was loving it. It felt so good to be away from the day to day grind, no laptop, no phone calls, no worries… Fantastic. Nature all around me and great company, I really was enjoying myself. Rory has a lot of life experience and a lot of stories which he kept us entertained with, he also has a massive wealth of knowledge, I was very impressed (and later thankful) of his knowledge of anatomy and bio-mechanics. I was wearing a new pair of Asics 15’s, so new in fact that Rory had a good laugh at how shiny and white they were; just before he led us through a waterlogged field! It was pretty funny (and wet & muddy) as I accidentally put my foot in to a full pot hole, moments later the skies opened up and we were totally drenched; by the end of the field I was a bog monster from the knees down. Somehow Rory had very skilfully managed to plan the whole twenty six point two mile course over a series of hills of varying sizes, this helped to keep things interesting. Around the twenty mile mark I found that my left hip was hurting and so was my right foot, I pushed on, Rory had pointed out that with my gait my shoes were not doing me any favours. The pace increased a little as we got towards the last three mile stretch and once Rory started the countdown of two miles, one mile, point seven I felt a sense of achievement that I had made it and was almost finished, then ‘five hundred’… At this point I said to Rory, “Rory, I don’t think I can go on mate, I’m turning back” I was glad that I still had a sense of humour, and as we came around the corner and ran across the road to Rory’s house I found I had a big smile on my face. I stripped of my leggings and removed my trainers which were now covered in cloying mud, stupidly I had not brought and change of clothes with me and they were all in the hotel. After a cup of tea and chat we said goodbye, I drove the other Rory to the station and then went on to the hotel. As I entered the hotel I almost expected them to kick me out, I was just wearing a fleece with lycra running shorts with nothing on my feet, in my hand was a carrier bag with the most foul smelling mud covered kit in it. My feet and lower legs were streaked black from being in muddy water for the last five hours. As I climbed the stairs to my room a guy behind me was staring at my bare legs and feet, so I turned to him, smiled and said by way of explanation ‘washing day.’
This morning I was up and ready waiting for Rory, after a breakfast of scrambled eggs, beans coffee and a banana. He was meeting me at the hotel and then leading the way down to the Gym where he would put me through my paces as part of the assessment. It was quite a quick journey as Rory drives quite fast. When we got there he gave me a briefing of what was going to happen and then we did some measurements, I was happy to find that my body fat is now down at 15.1% and although I still have to get it down to below 10% it’s a good progression from the 34% it was six months ago when I started. My weight is now 98Kg, down from 112Kg. The first test I did was the VO2 test, I got on the tread mill and before I started Rory had a look at my gait, it turns out that the Asics I have are not suitable for me, and unfortunately I have been systematically spraining my ankles wearing them (my right ankle was swollen today.) Rory took off his shoes and handed them over to me to try out, it was a useful exercise as of the two different shoes he was wearing, one worked wonders (Tomorrow I’m off to get myself a pair of Brookes Adrenaline 9!) Then we started the VO2 test, over 12 minutes Rory started at a normal pace and then cranked up the speed until I was beginning to wonder if my lungs would burst, then until I knew they were about to. I can’t remember the last time someone beasted me until I thought I was going to throw up, but that’s how I felt today (more than once!) But Rory knew exactly what he was doing and skilfully pushed me right up against the edge of my ability and kept me there, sometimes shouting close to my face, other times with encouraging words but always motivating me onwards.
Towards the end of the VO2 test he asked me “On a scale of one to Fu*ked, where are you?” Between massive breathes from my burning lungs I managed to reply “Up to the E!”
After the test I was surprised to find out that the test showed I am actually a 3:24 Marathon runner! Which was very encouraging, all I have to do is work at it. After the vO2 test Rory put me through my paces on the weights, then back on the tread mill, I had a hell of a time to catch my breath, after a couple of minutes to get it back I was back on the tread mill and running on a 6 degree incline for 2.5 minutes. I don’t know where I was getting the energy from at this point. My head was pounding. Then we were off in to an adjoining studio for some core work, after my second set of burpies I thought again that I might throw up, I think the only reason I didn’t was because my body could'nt make its mind up between puking or passing out! Finally after two hours I we were done, I went for a shower and Rory started working on my gym program and macro cycle, we met afterwards and we went through the plan together. Over the next ten weeks I’ll be running 480 miles, a Marathon every other Sunday and on the other Sundays, 20 miles. What did I think of Rory Coleman, I am very glad that he is training me; I found him to be an exceptional coach, he has a great sense of humour, is extremely knowledgeable; and is a really nice guy, I couldn’t recommend him highly enough.
As I drove home down the M1 I thought about the last couple of days, and what I want to achieve in life as well as in Namibia, and I've come to the conclusion…I can do it.

How do you eat an elephant?

Bite by bite…

At the moment I’m in a hotel in Derby in England, I knew when I committed to doing the Namibia Ultra-Marathon that I had a hell of a lot of work to do. The physical challenge of getting fit enough to get to the start line was only half of the story, the mental battle and the nutritional education is another. Usually runners who take on Ultra-marathons (officially any distance above the standard 26.2 Miles) have been running for years often with many marathons under their belt already. I started running again six months ago and did my first marathon just three weeks ago, and now I’m about to do my second. I looked around for a personal trainer and through the internet and several recommendations found Rory Coleman. Rory is well known for Ultra Marathons, actually maybe that’s a bit of an understatement, so far he has run 632 Marathons, 163 Ultra-Marathons he holds 9 Guinness World Records and has run 6 Marathon des Sables (six day self supporting, Ultra-marathon across the Sahara Desert, 254 km (156 mile) the equivalent to six regular marathons. The longest single stage is 91 km (55 miles) long.)… And tomorrow I’m going to run a marathon with him. Also with us will be another runner that Rory is training for next years Marathon des Sables… That’s why I’m feeling so amped right now, following my first marathon I couldn’t walk properly for a week; I had an MRI of my right foot done as there was a suspected fracture, thankfully it was only soft tissue damage but blood had pooled along my 5th Metatarsal in my foot. The next two days sees me run a marathon tomorrow and then complete a one day gym assessment with Rory on Thursday.
Whether it be the night before a skydive after I haven’t jumped for a while, or before diving a wreck dive in the sea in strong currents for the first time, its normal to feel like I’m feeling now…. A bit scared, that’s normal. As children we are taught that fear is to be feared, something that is negative. I have learnt to make a friend of it; for fear is what keeps you focused, pushes us on and gives us the edge over those poor souls who are complacent through lack of it. Fear is simply excitement looked upon from a different angle.

Right now I’m out of my comfort zone, like a child who has just taken their first steps and is wobbling not sure if they’re going to trot forwards or fall on their arse. But overcoming that crippling fear that can sometimes take us, and blocking out the voice in your head that tells you ‘I can’t do it’ is just as much part of the training as the running is. Reading the blogs of those who have gone before me, who both completed Namibia Ultra and those who didn’t, there are times when fear, self doubt and pain will be your only companion. I have to be able to make friends with fear and approach it from a different angle, I have to conquer the self doubt and go through the pain, feel it and push on regardless. It’s not a case of being macho, simply a case of that’s what is required.